Again. Never have the guts to man up and text him for only a birthday wish. Gosh what a jerk am i??? I miss u dude. After all these years. Still. Wish u all the best in ur career path ! Enjoyed all the video.. hope to collaborate with u someday. Maybe. Have a blast !

一个人默默走了很久... those memories... it all flush back...

Im tired of being the one handling every situation. Seriously tired. My friends are either the second or the youngest or the only daughther in the family and i was like the one who always get to make all decisions. I wish to just follow the flow sometimes. Take a break.. especially from always being the patient ones.. hearing them out and what not. What i dont get is that they always got to say what they wanna say.. and i'll just listen despite them throwing every single temper on me.. im used to it. But when things goes the opposite way.. they will be the one complaining that im too emotional im this im that. Cmmon.. im always the listener and is it wrong for u to sometimes hear me out? Its not like i will be bothering u forever. I just need that few minutes to tell what i suppose to tell. Well i guess that maybe i was meant to be only the listener in every relationship. Cz whenever i kept my thoughts to myself.. things seldom get complicated. I've experience that.. most of the time.. in most relationships.. and i guess i just figure out what am i.. after all these years of late night thoughts. Wow !

Everything is coming to an end. Soon winnie. Soon. Just hang in there. A little bit more. Dream big. Explore wonders. Find myself. Know people. Make friends. Settle down. Gear up myself and ready to faced every challenges as a teacher ! Fuhhhhhhh. I really think a lot ! Take one at a time winnie... lets dream big !

All these are killing me ! I dont even feel good to be back there... everyone keep rushing on one common thing.. freedom ! Away from all these and enjoy the moment before the reality calls. Not to be eager to be in school.. just that teaching and studying is a total different thing and i really prefer teaching...

K. Better start crapping on my assignments. That would somehow lessen my worries.

#homesick #finalsem #senioryearlahsangat #cantwait #betterstophashtagging #chaww #adios #ijustdontdaretofacemywork #thisisforreal #bye

First step

Thanks for da memories... step by step and i'll be in my dreamland later.. lets create more memories together..

::penang_september'14::

Handling a relationship is hard. Put aside couples and just range the scope only among family and friends. Its already complicated. Even among families, we fight, we quarrel, we disagree at each other. One thing different about family is that, no matter what was in the past, it turns out well during the present. Despite just pretend just for the elder's sake, at least we care. Friends? Hmmm. Yes we fight, even with our best ones. But not those mouth to mouth kind of fight, its more towards some sort of cold war. And yes when we disagree we start gossip. Make faces is the most common thing friends do, so not a big deal.

See ! Just these few simple relationship seems complicated.. I dont know how people sees it but to me.. every relationship needs commitment. If one cant even manage to overcome their own family and friends relationship.. how can they ever step into the so-called-more-than-friend-relationship ??? Question yourself. Have you ever figure out how to manage your own time with your family? Your friends? Ok lets narrow it down a little, best friends? Perhaps?

I dont know... perhaps i should question myself often

i wish i would just wake up and be in a place where i dont need to go around bumping into others and chitchatting for a few seconds which would somehow turns to minutes and eventually standing there hours just to make urself look friendly. defak

*life sucks when u live ur own life by trying to impress others but thats what people do to live.. in this dramatic world..

and yes i forgot.. i have those busy bodies in tweeter. thats y i hate too much of social networking. cz u practically share all ur personal stuff to the whole world and whats the point of doing that. doesnt even solve any of ur prob. not even one. 

here's the point. i just really cant cope with a bunch of big gangs. 2 3 friends will just be enough for me. cz once u are in that particular gang. u practically must follow their schedule. read my lips. MUST. and i hate that. once u missed out any of their plans. they will be like so fucked up upset with u. cmon girls get a life. its just a plan. if i feel like going. i join. if no then pls. dont force. ergh. typical asian girls. should i be more focused. malaysian girls. u guys wanna enjoy. just go. to me. i prefer enjoying with those i wish to make memories with. and those who are worth being in my memory. thats all. if u guys dont mind. pls fucked off. 

*no wonder my cousin enjoys her life so much in singapore. their perspective there are different. just do what u wish. no one give a damn. cool~

bored

currently in school. yes. school. in the middle of my internship. nothing seems interesting. same routine. bored. my action research? no idea. did everything that i should with the students. no idea when i have the urge to start working on it. my projects? 100% done for English Day. 90% done for he mural. just waiting for the raya card contest to end quickly. arghhhhh.. half done with my relief for today. im gonna continue entered the same class at 12.. which is another one hour from now. honestly im better of with the kids rather than sitting in the stuff room pretending that im into something serious (my action research... konon)

my major problem when im in school is.. i really dont know how to mingle around with the school teachers. maybe because im not one of them yet, makes me feel that we should have a gap in between. its true though. u cant expect me to just suddenly treat them like one of my long lost friend and chit-chatting like the world's gonna end soon. owh pls i just dont know how. and i have no idea how people do. im ok if the topic is about  students in class but other than that... uh-uh. its a big no no. i'll prefer listening. thus.. this makes me look quiet. other than a hmm an oh and a smile on my lame face.. i have no idea what to interrupt. no idea what to share. and sometimes no idea why am i listening. and here's the thing...  just because im quiet doesnt mean im moody or emo or whatever u call it. duhhh i have no reason to be moody out of the blue. so pls.. dont go around telling others that im being moody all day long and u are afraid of me because im quiet. it sounds stupid.

im ok all along. u can just share anything or commenting anything i'll just listen as u wish. but pls. if its about me. myself. with the stupid assumption of urs. i just cant stand it. im tired of having all those straight forward talks. and since im an easy going person. i'll just treat u like an invisible. and wow that makes me feel better. owh. u dont? who cares. i thought u are going great with all ur assumptions. so. carry on. peace yaw...

successful

Hey mom. Here is me, trying to tell u that, this child of yours is far away from being a successful person.

Well,

I dont forgive everyone easily

Even I'm good in listening

But I'm the worst when it comes to advising 

I dont read everyday

I dont write a journal

I dont have a to-do list

I dont have a to-be list

I just talk, but not about ideas

Its all about people

Myself

Others

But I dont bring them down

I just make them part of my experience 

Teach myself

To continue

To breath

On this mystery planet

I dont have any ambitious dream

I dont wish to do something incredible

I dont even thought of traveling far away

I just want to teach

Ignoring what others says

And just do my job

Im not a successful person

And I wont be.

So mummy. High hopes often makes me worried

And I guess... they deserve the word "successful"

Not me... :)

love reading his blog. hey girl. u are lucky to have him. he has such ambitious thoughts in building a perfect family. happy to see both of u enjoy each and every second. all the best in future :)

blerghhhh... everyone's in love. ok fine. bye

看过了 “胜女的代价” 之后，了解了其实爱一个人的确是很痛苦的一件事。非常的痛苦。*sigh* 累了，该休息一会儿。。。

Yea. I know I'm not suppose to be blogging at this moment. I have my observation tomorrow and of course tons of school stuffs to be settle before the weekends. But hey, i just need a time out. So this is the only moment. 

Okay. I've gone through my 6weeks practicum in Jerantut. One word. SUCKS. Yea right. The only time that i enjoyed much was the time i spent with my year 4 kids. They somehow manage to cheer me up during that one hour lesson everyday. Thanks kiddos. xoxo !! 

My weekends were incredible up till this moment. And i wish it reminds that way.. cz i really need my day off despite the 5 hectic and miserable days in school.

Follow the flow and take it easy. I hope im still alive after this 3 months. 

Okay its already 1.. daaa

Movie of the day :)

Courage is a hard thing to figure. You can have courage based on a dumb idea or mistake, but you're not supposed to question adults, or your coach or your teacher, because they make the rules. Maybe they know best, but maybe they don't. It all depends on who you are, where you come from. Didn't at least one of the six hundred guys think about giving up, and joining with the other side? I mean, valley of death that's pretty salty stuff. That's why courage it's tricky. Should you always do what others tell you to do? Sometimes you might not even know why you're doing something. I mean any fool can have courage. But honor, that's the real reason for you either do something or you don't. It's who you are and maybe who you want to be. If you die trying for something important, then you have both honor and courage, and that's pretty good. I think that's what the writer was saying, that you should hope for courage and try for honor. And maybe even pray that the people telling you what to do have some, too. - The Blind Side

CNY songs are on my playlist today and YES im in the mood now !! so pls pls pls let me be back for it just at the right time. 

Practicum in jerantut for three months later. Final year. Many things to do on the list. And ofcz many moments to enjoy. Hope that i'll go through it. Resolutions? Hmmm. I cant even manage my last resolution well. So i guess this time i'll just complete it one by one, step by step. New aim everyday. An aim a day keeps myself productive. Hope so. 

Till then.